You see my dad is kinda strict. He doesn’t want me going home late for whatever reason, may it be for schoolwork, extra curriculars, business or ‘lakwatsa’. It has no difference for him. He worries a lot and usually expresses it in irritation and anger. “Madaming masasamang taong nagkalat dyan, umuuwi ka nang ganyang oras?! Hihintayin mo pang may masamang mangyari sa ‘yo bago ka madala!” That’s how my dad worries. Now, of course I wouldn’t answer him back even if I wanted to because it just wouldn’t ease his worrying and he wouldn’t listen to me anyway because his mind is not open to these things. I just try to understand him and keep quiet and try to have a ‘taingang-kawali’ because there’s just no way for me to do what he wants me to do—to stop going to the Feast. NO WAY, EVER! I’m not doing this as an act of rebellion but the thought of it just makes me cringe! (Yes, I’m addicted to the Feast just like you are.;) But what I would want to tell him if given the opportunity is that he doesn’t have to worry at all for me whenever I go home late. I am always with my BIG DAD who takes care of me and blocks every bad guy that might come my way! I feel His protective arms around me and I always feel safe even during the late hours.
“Mag-madre ka na lang kaya!” Now my sister hears that statement too since she started getting involved in the UP Feast and comes home late every Tuesday for their Caring Group. Now I worry for her. Not because she comes home late but because she might not be able to withstand the objections of our dad. She might stop attending because she’s not as hard-headed as I am (hehe…). I’m afraid that if she stopped attending, she might backslide again. My efforts of trying to magnet this family back to our God would be in vain… Or if she withstands the objections, I would be worried for our dad because of the headache that we’re gonna give him. In either situation, I have my worries waiting. But in the middle of these worries and fears, a song saves me once again. The song that brought me to tears the first time I listened to it. I haven’t heard this one for a long time and now I hear my sis listening to it. “Whom shall I fear, whom shall I fear? For I am yours…” That is ‘Who am I?’ by the Casting Crowns. He assures me once again of my identity and tells me to stop my worries because He is in control.
For the meantime I cannot change them no matter how much I wanted to. God did not give me the power to change them anyway. The only power He gave me is to love them. So I do my best to love them in my own little ways. They may not see it right now but I have faith that they will, eventually. ;)
It might seem like there’s a storm in my family. It might seem like they wouldn’t want to be a part of this wonderful community. But I strongly detest that! In one of our sessions, I remember it was said, “All of us have happy endings. If it’s not happy, then it’s not yet the end.” I have a vision and I’m claiming that one day, God is going to bring my whole family in this bigger family of believers. He’s gonna fill them with so much love and they’re gonna become active members of LOJ. Together we’re gonna worship Him and give Him thanks for bringing all of us here. That vision alone makes me want to jump and praise God even during this storm. Being nurtured by the Feast, my heart has amazingly become “great-full” in ALL circumstances! =D
Manila Feaster
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